11:07 Kenai, AK
We're going to get in our way back machine and go to June 3. On the plane to Alaska from Michigan i wrote about my weekend and I said that I would put it up here later. Well I had some free time yesterday to revisit it for the first time since i wrote it and i figured i would post it today. It's long...just so you know.
Tuesday June 3, 2008 in some time zone probably over Canada
Saturday was not a good day. They shut down the “highway” into Kenai which meant to be on time for my 6:40am flight we had to leave the plant at 5am and go the long way to town. We arrived at the airport by 5:50am. I said good bye and went inside to sit. With my new closest companion – my ipod – I sat in the small airport waiting. It was getting time to board when the gate clerk/baggage checker - one of the two man team that was working the airline that day (the other being the pilot/stewardess) - came over and told us that there were some maintenance issues and that our flight would be delayed. “I have to get to Anchorage – its bereavement.” “Okay. I’m so sorry. We will see what we can do.” My grandmother was still alive but I didn’t know for how much longer and I wanted to get there. I called my mom – like you do when things aren’t going the way that they should - and she and my uncle got on the case making sure that I would be able to get there…somehow. Not too much later – but late enough that I was getting worried – it was time to board. The pilot walked us out to our little 8 seater, thanked us for our patience, told us there were info cards in the seat in front of us and took off without any further delay. I kept in touch via text, letting my parents know that I had taken off and then 25min. later that I had landed. Northwest was in the same terminal so I found out where to check in quickly made my way there. I checked my bag and headed to security. Not being a frequent first class flyer I didn’t realize that you get to do everything separately including go through security. I climbed under the rope eager to get to my gate and was told that I had been selected for a random security check. I had to get patted down and my bags needed to be swabbed – the effects of a last minute flight. There was a large pile of belongings slowly being checked by security. I couldn’t help but keep checking my watch – this was ridiculous. I wanted to get on my plane and get to my grandmother already…they were taking too long. I got the okay, scooped up my belongings and headed for the gate. I called my parents in my grandmother’s room to let them know that I was almost at my gate – I was getting closer.
The voice that answered said that the family had left the room. She was dead. I hung up and called my dad. My mom answered. They had left the room to let the aides take care of her. Crying and confused I asked my mom what happened. She told me that she was out in the hall when it happened – on the phone with Continental trying to make sure I was squared away. She had been there for days by my grandmother’s side and she missed it because I had some stupid plane troubles. But her voice was calm and soothing and not the slightest bit upset. My sister was holding my grandmother’s hand when she died. An EMT, she noticed her breathing slowing down and her pulse fading. She looked up at my father and said that she didn’t think my grandmother had a carotid pulse and that they should get a nurse. My mother told me it was such a gift that my sister was there for her last breath. She couldn’t be there and what an honor that her daughter could. My grandmother told my mom a few days before that she didn’t want to be alone when she died – and she wasn’t - my mom made sure of that.
I hung up and walked to the gate tears streaming down my face. I paused on the walkway to call Chris and let him know that my grandmother was gone and that I was getting on the plane. I took my seat in first class glad to be able to sit. The stewardess came over to ask if she could get me anything to drink. “Do you have any beer?” Moments later I was drinking my breakfast. My mom called me to make sure I got on the plane okay. I told her I was okay, that I was having a drink - it wasn’t champagne but it would do – her only request was that I not pour it on my cheerios. I cried for a while and kept the beers coming…one of the beauties of first class next to the added butt and leg room. I finally decided to put on a movie to think about something else. A few hours later we landed in Minnesota, prettier and greener than I had imagined. I sent texts out that I had landed and that I was going to find my gate. I talked to my dad and he told me that my sister and I were all set with a room for that night – complete with the flowers that I sent my grandmother. I called Chris because I was really just upset and he told me that he was coming out. He had booked a flight for the next morning. I started crying again. I had to sit down. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted him to come but didn’t want to ask – I was so relieved.
I made it to my gate, sat down and looked out the window…of course – the sky was black. Apparently we were under severe thunderstorm warning. Great. All I wanted was to get to Michigan and see my family. I just wanted to be there. I boarded my third plane of the day, looked out the window and watched the rain start to fall…followed shortly by the hail. “Oh, hell.” This delayed all of the planes on the runway…there was traffic on the tarmac. An hour or so later we took off. We hit some turbulence on the way a result of the storm. Why is it that flying through something as fluffy as clouds causes such a disturbance? As we neared Michigan I saw something that I hadn’t seen in almost two weeks…night. It was so bizarre. I had gotten used to it always being at least a little light out and to see a city twinkling below seemed foreign. I landed, got my bag, and went outside to wait for my sister. She and my uncle Peter came to pick me up. Finally…family. My parents were sleeping thankfully. I know they needed it. We got to the extended stay hotel and knocked on their door; they had told us to stop by – always parents they wanted to know that both of their girls were safe. No answer. We went to our room where not too long after we got a call that they were up and they wanted us to come on down. It was so nice to see them - they are my trifecta. We sat around and laughed for a bit – something we Scheibner’s are very good at – then they decided that they were tired and wanted to go back to bed.
My parents woke up early on Sunday to go to church – my grandmothers church - and then we all met for breakfast. After breakfast we went shopping. I didn’t want to attend my grandmother’s funeral in cargo pants and hiking boots. Not that she would have minded, I’m sure, but she deserved more than that. There would be a private informal family viewing at the funeral home on Sunday at 2pm and the funeral was set for 7pm Monday night at Holy Cross Episcopal Church – the church my grandmother had been a member of for 29 years. We took two cars to the viewing so that afterwards my sister and I could go get Chris at the airport.
We waited upstairs for the rest of the Clark family – my mother’s two brothers and their families. My grandmother was waiting for us downstairs – peacefully laid out with a slight smile on her face. They did a really nice job - she still looked like Grammie. We all stood there quietly for a bit crying and taking in the last sight of our grandmother and mother. She looked like she was sleeping. Every now and then I thought I could see her breathing. Part of me really wished she was. When we were ready we all left the room and went into the hall to catch up and talk then my sister and I went to the airport while everyone else formulated a plan for dinner.
It was like exhaling to see Chris. I was so glad he was there.
Later the whole family met for dinner at a little Italian sports bar called Vitale’s not too far away. It was so nice to be all together. I like having everyone around, even if we’re all talking about different things it’s just nice to be surrounded by the people that mean the most to you. My Aunt Rose’s brother Frank even made the drive up from Kentucky that morning to be with us which was such a treat. I don’t know why but I had a feeling he would come. My grandmother’s older sister Elisabeth joined our table too. My heart hurts for her losing her sister. They were quite a pair. I kept looking up during dinner – they were so much alike. Even the way that they held their bread – they had the same hands. I wish my grandmother could have been there, she liked being surrounded by her family too. After dinner my cousins and I split up the alcohol order and picked a room to meet up at…how often do we have all of the cousins together?
The next morning my sister and father went over to my grandmother’s room to help pack up her belongings while my mother prepared her ‘loving reflection.’ Chris and I went shoe shopping, picked up the bulletins for church and then went to Starbucks for a little pick-me-up for my mom. After that we went over to my grandmother’s room to be of more help. It was distracting going through her things. There was so much history in that room. After a bit of packing I went back to the hotel to get my mom – she wanted to do a trial run of her reflection for us and her brothers. It was beautiful. She spoke of my grandmother’s life like a quilt – all of the pieces and love that went into it and made up her life. She couldn’t help but cry which of course made us cry too. But you have to cry sometimes so that way you can be stronger later. And she was.
Holy Cross Church was packed at 7pm to remember the life of Mary Zimmermann Clark. There was a small table up front with two roses and a favorite picture of my grandparents silhouetted at sunset looking at each other – in between were the remains of my grandmother. Not too much fanfare…simple the way she would have wanted it. Leaning against one of the table legs was Psalm 23 embroidered and framed – it was my grandmother’s favorite psalm it had hung over her bed. It wasn’t until after the congregation gave their first response that I realized how full the church was. I was touched. All of these people came to pay their respects to my grandmother – they were all part of her life. Relatives of relatives came in support, long time friends and a bunch of the aides that cared for and loved my grandmother were all there. After the service Frank told my mom that he was sure her dad was smiling down – so proud of the way that she and her brothers had honored their mom. I’m sure he was right – we were all very proud. There was a small reception in the church with lots of catching up and good memories. We decided to go to dinner afterward. A call was made for a reservation of 30. It was time to leave. My dad, my sister and I went into the church with my mom to help her gather everything. My mom gently picked up her mom with a calm smile. We looked around to make sure we had everything and left the sanctuary. Flanking our mother as she held her own mother we walked out of the church – Grammie had left the building.
Grammie was placed in the car and I gave my mom a hug. “I’m really okay,” she said and I knew she was I just wanted to check…I can’t imagine it’s easy. We all caravanned to the restaurant and had a great meal. A room full of family – the way it should be. After we were all stuffed we said our goodbyes and all went our separate ways. It was pretty late and lots of us would be flying out the next day. We went back to the hotel and packed and relaxed. The next morning Chris and I went to the airport to await our separate planes. Not long after Chris took off my sister came (with cookies) to await her plane too. I got to see her for a few minutes before i took off which was comforting - that whole seeing someone you know in a foreign place. And as hard of a weekend as it was i really loved seeing my family and just being with them. I can’t even imagine losing my mom. But in a way I think the void of losing my grandmother has brought my mom and me closer and I think that somewhere my grandmother is smiling about that.